Cheap Lazy Bastards Get What They Deserve
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It wouldn’t be fair, and likely legal, to reproduce here some of the emails I get from readers and customers.
Therefore I’ll rephrase and refrain from calling out anybody in particular:
“Can you give me some advice plz?”
Hey Alex,
I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I think it’s great. There’s tons of real info here and I always discover new things.
I really want to make money online so that’s why I’m writing to you for some advice.
1) I read all your stuff about affiliate marketing, but it seems I’d have to learn to write and I don’t like that much. Plus I’d probably have to buy some Adwords clicks and my wife doesn’t like it if I spend money online, she thinks the internet is all a big scam.
2) I bought your Black Hat Ebook and boy, it was the most informative one I ever got. I never saw so much real information in one place. I’m not sure if it’s right for me though because I don’t know how to make a link and I don’t feel like learning html for that. I’m really not much of a techie kinda gal…
3) I read about Bum Marketing and it sounds great because it doesn’t cost any money. But there it is again with all that writing. Just really seems like a bunch of work.
4) I remember when you said that selling your own product in a field of expertise is one of the best ways to make bank online. The thing is, I’m not really good at anything. I’m just a regular guy with a day job. In fact, when I come home, a lot of the time I’m tired and I don’t even use the products that I buy, so how would I make one myself?
5) What I really want is a foolproof system where I can make money on autopilot, why does it have to be so complicated? I don’t want anything where I have to buy software or other stuff. And preferably nothing too complicated where I’d have to learn a bunch of skills since that would take too long. I’m 46 years young by the way…
I need something like that right now so I can buy nice gifts for my family and take a vacation. I also want a new car LOL.
Thanks for your help,
[Name]
The sad thing is, I feel some kind of obligation to reply to these people. I usually say niceties and try to give positive advice while gently suggesting a tiny change of perspective might be in order.
That’s when I’m in a good mood.
When I’m not, I answer the next day, for fear of saying something like this:
Hi [Name],
Thank you for your feedback about the blog. I’m glad you like it.
I can’t really take any credit though because it writes itself while I’m sleeping. I just wake up and voila, a new post!
Since you’ve taken the time to write to me for advice, I think you deserve to be served the keys to the universe on a silver platter. In fact I’m going to pull out my wand right now and make it happen.
I’m going to give you a secret URL. On that page, you’ll find a button. All you have to do is push it and every time you do, a fresh, crisp hundred dollar bill will pop out of your CD tray and do a jig (to ensure you don’t get bored).
Now I realize it’s not completely automated, so please do accept my most sincere apologies. If you’d like, I can log to the site and push the button for you while you watch Lost reruns. Just let me know.
You know, it’s so unfair, when you think about it. Why should you have to learn anything, isn’t that what we went to school for? Why should you have to invest your hard earned money? Why doesn’t it just fall into your lap during a beer commercial?
The world is a tough cruel place, but I’ll bet a smart guy like you already knew that. I’m just glad I was able to help. You deserve it tiger.
Cheers,
Alex
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Thought / Action of the Day:
You can save a lot of time if you have templates for your email replies.
Number of the Day:
251: Number of cheap lazy bastards that will read this and think it’s addressed to somebody else.
on July 25th, 2007 at 10:16 am ¶
Alex,
That was the most entertaining read i’ve had in a long time.
Can you email me a link to the site with the button that sends a $100 bill to my cd tray? I have 2 cd trays on my PC so maybe the button can be altered to send bills to both trays. Half the work double the money.
:)
on July 25th, 2007 at 10:28 am ¶
Hey Kieran,
I knew someone would ask for that link. It’s only for terminally lazy people and I remember you saying you are making money. You are eliminated, sorry.
on July 25th, 2007 at 11:09 am ¶
But those Ebay informercials told me I could lay around in my underwear all day and make teh big buckss!!1 I didn’t know I had to learn how to use a computer. Dammmmmn.
on July 25th, 2007 at 12:52 pm ¶
What a joke!!
I m a newbie but have an IQ enough that u ‘ve got to work :-
even for blackhat strategies.I can automate processes but I’ve got to learn how to do it , I’ve to spend time, money n resources even for most magical blackhat tricks.
An interesting observation I got in the 5th point of that guy’s mail when he asks for a foolproof system , a sense of security that he enjoys in a job but can’t receive in any kind of business. This is a factor which also prevents a lot of guys out there to enter this world of money making - perhaps good for us …. we’ll continue to do the magic!!
By the way - a great reply to that mail as well.
on July 25th, 2007 at 1:24 pm ¶
Hah. I used to have a business where I received these types of e-mails. It’s amazing how some people just don’t get it.
Anyway, I have thousands of lines of code, pages of to do’s completed, and pages more to do for a service that should be launched in 2 or 3 months to prove I’m not one of the 251.
People can recognize the “genius” in your writing, and that is why you probably have a lot more of the opposite type of people reading your blog than the type of person that wrote the above e-mail. It’s the natural feedback system where the majority who like something don’t take the time to write in, but the negative people do.
P.S. - Something is wrong with your automatic system. You might want to check the services console and make sure it’s still running. Your posts have been more infrequent lately.
on July 25th, 2007 at 10:26 pm ¶
Hey Guys,
Thanks for your comments:
Jack: Infomercials are usually 100% truthful. You must have got a bad one.
Parvez: Yeah, it’s not for everyone. The ones stuck in between suffer most and most jobs deliver a culture of laziness, risk avoidance and low possibility of reward. This needs to be done away with.
Justin: Keep me in the loop on your project, I always like to here what other doers are up to.
I forgot to crank the mechanism on my unique content generator. Hopefully someone will do it for me…
on July 26th, 2007 at 5:17 am ¶
now thats friggin funny. it reminds me of the SEO client:
“Hi, I only have $25 bucks, can you rank me for 150 keyphrases like “vegas casinos”?”
Everybody wants something for nothing.
on July 26th, 2007 at 5:30 am ¶
Hey Keith,
That’s preposterous, I would pay you that much for just ONE of those keywords
on July 26th, 2007 at 1:48 pm ¶
Thanks, thanks, abundant thanks for this one, Alex! Finally, I have a place to point people to (you know the kind I mean) to let them read for a change what I personally never managed to write up for want of time in all those years, heh.
Great stuff - and oh, so true!
on August 8th, 2007 at 6:24 am ¶
Alex,
This is hilarious! You really put that guy in his place!
It’s unbelievable how lazy and stupid so people are! WOW!
on August 9th, 2007 at 9:40 am ¶
Keep the $100 URL. Just lend me your wand for a day–in fact, rent me your wand for a day (with a money-back, no hassle, guarantee, of course).
on August 13th, 2007 at 9:12 am ¶
And I thought I was bad with my excuses… Well, at least I know that they are excuses… Are you sure that this was a serious email? It strikes me more as an obscure joke?
on August 23rd, 2007 at 8:17 am ¶
At least your emails come with paragraphs! Many of my Genius’ are extremely to busy to even hit the enter key and start the arduous process of implementing a new paragraph.